Discussing Youth Mental Health: Essential Conversations to Have with Your Child

Youth Mental Health

Mental health struggles aren’t just an “adult” problem. Yet far too many tweens and teens feel they must face their challenges alone. The 2024 State of Mental Health in America Report, published by Mental Health America, found that nearly 87% of kids ages 12 to 17 who had a major depressive episode “thought they should have been able to handle their mental health, emotions, or behavior on their own.” We must destigmatize discussions about youth mental health. 

But let’s face it — these conversations about youth mental health are often uncomfortable and not easy to initiate for parents or children. Teens might feel embarrassed or ashamed about discussing their worries and be anxious about being judged by peers or family members. Some tweens or teens may lack the vocabulary or understanding to explain what they’re feeling. After all, once puberty hits, mood swings and other changes can blindside even the most prepared families. It’s not always easy to differentiate between normal emotions and signs of mental health struggles.

Parents may worry that bringing up youth mental health will make their child anxious or sad. Some worry they won’t know how to help if their child does open up. In this article, we’ll review some challenges in discussing teenage mental health with your child. We’ll also propose some possible approaches and mental health discussion questions to prepare you for these conversations.

Discussing youth mental health

Parenting and mental health don’t always go hand-in-hand, especially since talking about mental health at any age isn’t easy. Yet we parents have a significant influence on the mental health of our children. Our own mental health can serve as a guide for our teens, which begs the question, “Are we role models for good mental health?” 

Over 90% of parents with children under 18 understand the importance of discussing youth mental health. But here’s the rub: almost 60% of parents surveyed said they need help just to talk about mental health. Fewer than half said they had these conversations with their parents when they were kids. Yet when you do talk about mental health with your teen, everyone benefits.

Openly discussing mental health normalizes it and helps teens understand that it’s okay not to feel okay. Honest, open communication is effective in countering the stigma that often prevents younger people from seeking help. Additionally, keeping open lines of communication increases the likelihood that we’ll recognize and address early signs of mental health issues. Moreover, our kids are more likely to come directly to us with their concerns.

When we engage in dialogue with empathy and without judgment, we foster a stronger bond with our teens and build trust. These conversations also help ensure that everyone’s on the same page. Teens source their information from many different places, not all of which are reliable. We can provide accurate information and correct any misconceptions. Talking about youth mental health and wellness at home can make your teen more comfortable seeking help from professionals. Parents can help teens know that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Acknowledging teenage mental health challenges

So, who benefits from acknowledging youth mental health? You and your teen! The trick? Starting the conversation. Begin by creating an environment where your teen feels comfortable talking and knows they’ll be heard. Reassure them that mental health challenges aren’t just an adult problem. Recognizing their possible mental health struggles is the first step.

Your teen should feel heard, validated, and understood, which can alleviate feelings of isolation. With the right support, teens can learn healthy ways to express their emotions and develop coping skills and resilience. They will also become more aware of their own mental health and when to seek help, potentially getting assistance sooner. 

You’ll benefit by gaining a better understanding of what your teen is experiencing. Regular communication and trust-building will strengthen your relationship with your teen and help you feel more equipped to support them. When you understand the situation and create a plan to address your teen’s struggles, you may feel a bit less worried. 

By acknowledging teen mental health challenges, your entire family unit will benefit. Making everyone aware of the “rough patch” may encourage other family members to help create a more supportive and empathetic environment. Addressing concerns openly can reduce potential conflict and misunderstandings. Plus, this acknowledgement normalizes conversations about emotions and well-being for all family members.

So, now that we know the importance of the right environment, how do we actually talk about mental health?

Getting the mental health conversation started

How do we chat with our children about youth mental health without making it feel like a big, scary deal? It’s an age-old question. Here’s another way to think about it.

Begin with love. Tell your teen you love them and highlight some of your favorite things about them. If you know your child is currently struggling, ease into difficult subjects. You might raise the topic of their challenge after sharing a good laugh, a tasty treat, or watching something fun. Pro tip: it’s probably best not to jump straight to mental health when everyone’s already stressed, like first thing in the morning. When everyone’s grumpy and still trying to wake up, you’re unlikely to make significant progress.

Your role in the conversation

Focus on being a listener, not a talker. It takes practice to tamp down that voice urging you to jump in immediately and start troubleshooting. But the practice is worth it — giving your teen the space to talk is huge. A good rule of thumb is to say perhaps only half of what you were planning to share. Another approach is to gauge what your child needs before you jump in; try:

Do you want me to listen to you and offer suggestions, or do you need emotional support?

Monitor yourself for your reaction, too. Even an inadvertent sigh or eyeroll can affect how your teen feels and whether they’ll open up again. Take a deep breath or sit on your hands (literally or figuratively) before responding. Other things you could consider to help with your impulse control include asking different kinds of questions.

Mental health discussion questions to consider asking:

1. Is there anything else you need or want me to know? This question creates an opening for your teen to share additional information or context.
2. What I’m hearing is this… Am I understanding you correctly? Rephrasing what your teen said not only helps you check your understanding but also shows you’re actively listening.
3. What, if anything, can I do to not make this worse? If you notice a negative reaction from your teen, make sure your reactions aren’t rubbing them the wrong way.
4. Would it help you to write it down or text it to me? Some topics are hard to talk about aloud, and offering an alternative communication method can help your teen share.

Taking that first step doesn’t have to be hard. It can be as simple as asking questions intended to encourage your teen to open up. If creating a “sit down on the couch next to me and let’s talk” scenario isn’t your thing, that’s fine! Maybe this conversation happens during cleanup after dinner, or on the way home from your teen’s part-time job. Sometimes, talking in a situation with a clear “out” can help your teen feel more comfortable.

Getting the conversation started

Need some prompts to get the conversation going? Try one or more of the following questions. They can build trust, open doors, and allow you to share bits of yourself with your teen, too, if desired. If none of these suggestions click, try one of these resources.

1. What makes you happy/excited/annoyed/angry/sad/worried/scared/frustrated?
2. How do you make yourself feel better when you’re feeling any negative emotions?
3. Tell me something you think you’re really good at.
4. What makes you feel supported and loved?
5. What characteristics make a good friend or friendship?
6. If you were in charge here, what would your house rules be?
7. If you could create your ideal life, what would it look like?
8. What’s your favorite thing about school?
9. Tell me about your favorite book/movie/show and why you love it so much.
10. Tell me about something you’re struggling with right now, no matter how small or silly it seems.
11. Tell me three things you’re thankful for in your life right now.
12. Choose three words to describe yourself right now.
13. Tell me at least two things you like about yourself.
14. What’s something you’d like to get better at?

Even though these questions don’t focus specifically on mental health, they can provide an opening to touch base about mental health later. Use them to create a judgment-free safe space where your teen knows they can talk to you about anything. Once the groundwork is laid, when you do need to have those harder discussions, hopefully, it’s a little easier. 

More mental health discussion questions

We should preface this section with a disclaimer: when you have those hard conversations, avoid empty platitudes like “I know how you feel” or “You’ll be fine.” Try to avoid making the conversation about you. Thank your teen for trusting you enough to be open and vulnerable, which is a huge gift. Remind them that you’re here to support and help them. Navigating children and mental health isn’t easy, but here are some youth mental health discussion questions you can ask. Use these questions when you’re concerned or when your teen approaches you looking for advice.

Open-ended mental health discussion questions to start the conversation

1. What’s been on your mind recently?
2. Your mental health is important to me. How’ve you been feeling emotionally in the last week or so?
3. What do you think is important for me to know and understand about what you’re experiencing right now?
4. I’ve noticed you seem a little [quiet/more withdrawn/more on edge] lately. Is everything okay?
5. I’ve been worried about you recently. Is there something going on that I can support or help you with to make it a little easier to navigate?

More specific questions if you’ve noticed potential signs of a struggle

1. I’ve noticed that [you’ve seemed sad lately/haven’t been hanging out with your friends much recently/you’re struggling with grades, etc.]. Is something bothering you? 
2. You haven’t seemed to be enjoying [activity your teen typically likes] as much lately. How come?
3. I’ve noticed you’ve been [sleeping more/less]. How’s your energy been?
4. How are things going with your friends/at school?
5. Are you feeling stressed or worried about anything?
6. I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s hard for you to focus. Do you have a lot of thoughts racing in your head? What are you thinking about?
7. Is there something you want or need to change about your life right now?

Questions to gauge your teen’s coping and support system

1. What helps you feel better when you’re feeling down or stressed?
2. Who are you talking to when things feel tough?
3. Do you have the support you need right now?

Strategies for cultivating open conversations

Talking about youth mental health is tough. If your teen resists opening up to you, it’s hard not to take it personally. But perhaps there’s someone else in your teen’s life whom they would be more comfortable sharing with, like a teacher, coach, religious leader, relative, or mentor. If you know this person, you may consider reaching out as a way of bolstering your teen’s support network.

The most important goal? Offering your teen opportunities to talk to someone and get support and guidance when they need it. And let’s face it — sometimes it’s easier to talk to somebody who’s not their parent. Try some of these strategies for cultivating open conversations to talk about teenage mental health with your child.

Build trust first.

Show your teen through your actions that you’re reliable, respect their boundaries, and will listen without judgment. Try to remember things they tell you — positive and negative — by checking in about past conversation topics. Being present and engaged builds trust.

Choose the right time and place.

Avoid deep conversations when either of you is stressed, rushed, or distracted. Find a calm, private moment when you can both focus. Possible places include during a car ride, while doing a quiet activity together, or after sharing a positive experience.

Start small and casual.

You don’t need to dive straight into heavy topics. Begin with a lighter check-in about their day, interests, or friends. These touch-base chats can create a habit of talking without making your teen associate your conversations with their mental health.

Listen more than you talk.

Resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or advice. Focus on truly hearing what they’re saying, showing your teen that their feelings and experiences are important and worthy of your attention. By listening, you give your teen the space to articulate what they’re going through. Sometimes, simply saying things out loud helps them to process their emotions and thoughts more clearly. And when you don’t immediately offer advice, you’re implicitly showing trust in their ability to think through their challenges.

Validate their feelings.

This step is important, even if you disagree with their perspective. Responding with “That sounds really tough” or “I can see why you’d feel that way” can be powerful validating statements. You can acknowledge their experience without necessarily agreeing with their interpretation of it. Validation can help deescalate intense emotions; when someone feels understood, they’re often less likely to become defensive or escalate their emotional response. Remember: your teen’s feelings are real to them, even if you see the situation differently. Validating their feelings acknowledges their inner experience.

Share your own experiences appropriately.

Sometimes, sharing a relevant personal experience helps your teen feel less alone and increases their willingness to open up. Discussing your mental health can normalize their feelings and remind them that struggling doesn’t mean something’s wrong with them. Learning that you have or are navigating mental health challenges can offer hope to someone feeling overwhelmed by their current situation.

Let them take the lead by respecting their comfort level.

If they’re not ready to talk about something, don’t push. Remind them you’re there when they’re ready. Building open communication takes time, so be patient and don’t get discouraged if your conversations don’t happen overnight. Continue to show up and create opportunities for connection.

Normalize talking about mental health.

Treat mental health as a normal component of your teen’s overall health and well-being, just like physical health. Use everyday language and don’t shy away from the topic. It may feel awkward to you, your teen, or both of you at first. But keep at it! It’s worth having these conversations often so that they become routine.

Discussing youth mental health: Takeaways

Youth mental health is a real issue that teens often feel they must handle alone. But talking about mental health with teens is crucial, benefiting parents and their children. These conversations normalize struggles, facilitate early identification, foster trust, encourage help-seeking, and support a teen’s overall well-being. Being there for your teen before, during, and after their struggle reinforces that they have a strong support system.

Starting those conversations can feel challenging, but doesn’t have to be scary, especially when you do so from a place of love, choose the right time, focus on listening, and validate your teen’s feelings.  Try framing the discussion like, “let’s find a way forward together,” instead of, “let’s fix you so you can get back to studying.” 

Use open-ended and specific questions to check on your teen’s emotional well-being. Sharing your own experiences can also help your teen feel less alone and more willing to seek help. Above all, try to create a safe, non-judgmental space for your teen to talk about their mental health. Finally, just like your child doesn’t have to do it alone, neither do you. If your gut tells you that there are larger issues that can’t be solved in a conversation or two, seek help. Don’t hesitate to call your teen’s doctor or a counselor for recommendations.