Managing Kids’ Anxiety: 7 Methods to Help Your Teen Cope with Anxiety

Managing kids' anxiety

Anxiety can hit teens hard, affecting their mental health and overall well-being, and kids’ anxiety impacts daily life in many different ways. Struggling with anxiety can zap a child’s motivation, leading to dips in academic performance. Socially, teens with anxiety may find it hard to make and keep friends, participate in extracurriculars, or hang out at social events. When constant and left unaddressed, anxiety chips away at teens’ self-esteem, causing self-doubt at school and at home.

Navigating how to parent is hard enough, but when your child has a mental health condition like anxiety, life can become more complicated. Understanding how parenting and mental health strategies go hand in hand can help ease worries around managing kids’ anxiety. 

Children and mental health has become a topic of greater concern, especially since the global pandemic. According to NIMH, nearly 32% of children between 13 and 18 have an anxiety disorder. You’re not alone in raising a teen who may struggle with anxiety. 

Fortunately, strategies for coping with anxiety have become even more varied and effective. In this article, we’ll discuss plenty of coping methods for anxiety (and even anxiety activities for kids). But first, let’s talk a little bit more about anxiety and how it presents in adolescents.

Understanding children and mental health

Anxiety stems from a combination of uncertainty and fear and can have a serious negative impact on teen mental health. This combination can quickly escalate into a perpetual cycle where one emotional state feeds the other. Uncertainty increases fear, which generates more uncertainty. Before long, a mild case of anxiety can snowball into something more serious, like a panic disorder.

But here’s the thing: anxiety is a normal part of our lives, and a little anxiety isn’t necessarily bad. Teens might get anxious about an upcoming test, public speaking, transitioning from middle to high school, or living with a college roommate. 

Your body's autonomic nervous system — the sympathetic nervous system — plays a role in how you respond to stressful situations. But our bodies’ coping methods for anxiety don’t always benefit us. Living in a heightened state of anxiety with our bodies on full alert all the time takes a toll on the rest of our mental health and wellness. We may even experience physical symptoms, like muscle tension, headaches, fatigue, stomach problems, and changes in our heart rate or breathing. Sometimes, we become trapped in a vicious cycle we can’t seem to escape. Kids’ anxiety can manifest with similar symptoms. 

Signs and symptoms of kids' anxiety

It’s common for a child to feel anxious during times of change, like an “upheaval” in the family structure — birth of a sibling, a move, or parents separating. A child’s natural temperament also plays a role; some kids (and adults) are more prone to anxiety than others who are naturally more laid back.

It’s not always easy to tell if kids’ anxiety is “regular” anxiety or something more insidious, especially since many teens are reluctant to share how they’re feeling. Here are some of the signs indicating it’s time to call someone who specializes in children and mental health:

• Showing excessive worry about everyday routines like eating or dressing
• Increased irritability levels
• Worrying about things before they happen; asking ‘what if’ questions
• Constant worries or concerns about family, school, friends, or activities
• Repeated, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) or actions (compulsions)
• Constant fear of being embarrassed or making mistakes
• Low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence
• Avoiding activities they once enjoyed 
• A drop in academic performance
• Trouble sleeping, focusing, or studying
• Use of alcohol or drugs
• Frequent complaints of feeling tired, having headaches, or stomachaches

Anxiety can develop through association, where anxious feelings become intertwined with something that normally wouldn’t cause anxiety, like a situation, event, or object. For example, if a teen has their first panic attack at school — even if stress from a presentation triggered it — their brain might start to link school with anxiety, particularly if they experience another panic attack in that environment. Suddenly, attending or even just thinking about school starts to feel threatening and potentially leads to ongoing anxiety or frequent panic attacks.

Diagnosing anxiety

A tween or teen who doesn’t outgrow the typical fears and worries of younger children — or who has many fears and worries that interfere with school, home, or play — may have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety isn’t just one diagnosis but rather a category of conditions that include:

• Separation anxiety disorder
• Phobia
• Social anxiety disorder
• Generalized anxiety disorder
• Panic disorder 

Fortunately, there are healthcare professionals dedicated to helping kids with anxiety. And there are steps parents can take to help manage their kids’ anxiety, too. 

Parenting kids with anxiety

Whether you work with a professional or begin the process at home, you need to help manage your kids’ anxiety for several reasons.

Unmanaged anxiety can interfere with your teen’s ability to focus, learn, and perform in school, leading to lower grades, less motivation, and decreased attendance. Anxiety hampers kids’ abilities to form and maintain friendships, participate in extracurricular activities, and engage in social events, potentially isolating them even further. Constant worry and anxiety can also create tension and stress within the family unit. 

Anxiety also impairs executive functioning skills, like focusing and regulating attention, making it harder for teens to learn and retain information. Chronic anxiety floods the body with stress hormones, including cortisol. While we need that hormone in short bursts, prolonged exposure can negatively impact brain circuitry and contribute to physical and psychological problems over time.

Research has linked untreated childhood anxiety to anxiety disorders and other mental health challenges, including depression and substance abuse in adulthood. Without healthy coping methods for anxiety, kids may develop unhealthy strategies, like avoidance, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts, creating a dangerous cycle that’s harder to break in adulthood.

Effectively managing anxiety helps children develop emotional regulation skills and experience greater overall well-being. Early intervention equips teens with tools and strategies to identify and disrupt negative thought patterns, face fears gradually, adapt to future challenges, and build resilience. Learning how to manage anxiety empowers kids, boosting their self-esteem and self-confidence. 

Since effective parenting is key to helping kids with anxiety, let’s look at specific methods you can use to support your child when they’re dealing with anxiety. 

7 methods to help your teen cope with anxiety

As professionals working with children and mental health know, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach for coping methods for anxiety. These seven essential strategies should help you help your teen.

1. Validate their feelings, empathize with them, and avoid dismissive phrases like “calm down.” 

Acknowledge and affirm your teen’s anxiety. Tell them their feelings are real and understandable, and reassure them they’re not alone in what they’re experiencing. When someone’s anxiety escalates, telling them to “calm down” often worsens the situation. Your teen likely wants to calm down but may lack the immediate tools to do so. Instead, try offering practical support. 

For example, you could say, “I see you’re feeling anxious. Would you like to try breathing together for a minute?” This approach gives your teen a chance to self-regulate without judgment or demands. 

2. Stay calm and steady, and keep the pressure low. 

Anxiety can sometimes feel contagious. When your teen worries, your anxiety ramps up, too. In those moments, try to stay grounded. Your calm energy can signal safety to your teen and that you can handle their emotions together. If you are feeling anxious during your conversation about your teen’s mental health, take a deep breath before speaking.

Even well-intentioned encouragement, like “Try harder” or “Don’t worry so much,” can add to their stress. You can reduce your teen’s worry by emphasizing effort over outcome. For instance, if your teen has social anxiety, you might say, “I’m proud of you for calling your friend today, even though it was hard.”

After a setback, reassure your teen that it’s okay if things aren’t perfect. As long as your teen is working to improve their anxiety, they’re doing well. Gentle, supportive comments and actions can help build your teen’s self-confidence as they navigate their anxiety symptoms.

3. Normalize their anxiety instead of trying to fix it.

When you see your teen struggling with anxiety, your natural inclination may be to jump into problem-solving mode. As parents, we often feel and absorb our kids’ anxiety, and it’s hard to watch them struggle. Normalize this experience by saying, “I’ve felt anxious and nervous before. Everyone has those feelings at some point. And some things can be really scary.” Then ask, “What do you need right now?”

4. Model healthy coping skills.

Your teen constantly watches and learns from you. When they struggle to manage their own stress or anxiety, they see how you handle yours. Demonstrating healthy coping mechanisms, talking through issues, and engaging in self-care activities in front of your teen may encourage them to adopt similar strategies.

5. Be supportive, not accommodating. 

Being supportive doesn’t mean allowing your anxious teen to avoid anxiety-triggering situations. In the long run, avoidance doesn’t help manage anxiety; it reinforces it. Instead, listen to their worries, understand their discomfort and feelings of fear, and then help them take gradual steps toward tolerating and managing their anxiety during those challenging situations.

You can also encourage your child to use:

• Positive self-talk, thinking, “I can handle this. I’ve been in situations like this before.”
• Self-compassion, acknowledging, “It’s okay if I do this differently from other people. This way works for me.”
• Assertiveness, like saying, “I need some help with studying.”

6. Nurture your teen’s self-identity. 

Chief Clinical Officer at Embark Behavioral Health, Dr. Rob Gent, says, “We help teens develop a strong sense of self by strengthening their capacity for identity formation, resilience, adaptability, flexibility, and creativity. These qualities stem from a positive self, and we can use co-regulation to connect with them.” 

You can help your teen cultivate their sense of self by:

• Dedicating one-on-one time and offering your full attention.
• Showing empathy through words and actions.
• Sharing what you value and appreciate about them.
• Teaching them and modeling positive self-talk.
• Encouraging self-compassion and grace.
• Offering positive reinforcement.

7. Use reliability to ease anxiety.

Since fear and uncertainty fuel anxiety — and empathy and connection reduce fear — how do we tackle the uncertainty? Parents need to be reliable and predictable and establish clear boundaries and limits. Teens thrive on firm boundaries and limits (as much as they may grumble about it).

Your approach might mean setting schedules and predictable routines, setting rules about screen time, or dedicating specific times for family connection. Teens flourish with structure, and offering these guardrails and frameworks adds another layer of support for teens dealing with anxiety.

Anxiety activities for kids

Teens sometimes become so focused on the physical sensations resulting from anxiety that they miss their underlying emotional state. For a teen whose heart is racing or feels suddenly nauseous or apprehensive, suggest stopping and checking in with their body.

Encourage teens to think consciously about their current emotional state and whether they’re reacting to something stressful or worrisome. Perhaps this event triggered their physical symptoms. This 13 ½-minute body scan meditation is excellent for settling a racing mind before bedtime.

Explore these other anxiety activities for kids that can help break the pattern and encourage mindfulness.

Five activities to reduce anxiety

1. Deep breathing. Take slow, deliberate breaths, inhaling slowly and exhaling deeply. Count to four or five for each inhale and exhale. This simple act of slow breathing can reduce the release of stress hormones in your body. As you gently guide your attention to your breath, you naturally shift focus away from anxious thoughts and feelings. Mindful breathing can help you feel steadier, calmer, and composed. 
2. Relaxation exercises. Besides breathing, you can try progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) (tensing and relaxing different muscle groups), or visualization and guided imagery. 
3. Distract or talk yourself through it. When anxiety strikes, your inner voice might start whispering negative thoughts like, “I can’t do this!” or “What if I mess this up?” or “This is too overwhelming.” Instead, tell yourself something that inspires a bit of courage to face the moment. Try phrases like “I can do this!” or “It’s okay to feel anxious. I can do this anyway.”
4. Physical activity and movement. Yoga and stretching combine physical movement with mindful breathing and awareness, releasing physical tension and calming the mind. Regular physical activity — like a brisk walk — releases endorphins that can improve your mood and reduce stress.
5. Creative and expressive outlets. Journaling, drawing, painting, doodling, and listening to calming music can help you process emotions, identify your triggers, and gain perspective. These activities may even put you into a meditative state, affect your brain activity and lower your stress hormones.

Encourage your teen to try one, two, or all of these coping methods for anxiety. Regular practice makes these techniques more effective. Suggest your teen incorporate one short relaxation exercise into their daily routine, like before bed, during a study break, when they get home from school, or first thing in the morning. Learning to relax and release stress takes time and practice. Some days will absolutely feel harder than others — and that’s okay.

Managing kids’ anxiety: Takeaways

Adolescence is tough enough without adding anxiety into the mix. But sometimes anxiety crosses a threshold from a temporary, resolvable feeling into an excessive, persistent disorder significantly impacting daily life. To manage kids’ anxiety, we can:

• Watch for signs of kids' anxiety like irritability, declining grades, withdrawal from activities, and physical complaints.
• Guide our kids by validating their feelings, staying calm, empathizing with them, and knowing when to seek professional help.
• Avoid dismissive phrases, keep pressure low, listen more than we talk, and normalize their experience rather than trying to “fix” it.
• Provide reliability and structure with predictable routines and clear boundaries, which can significantly reduce uncertainty and anxiety. 
• Build our teens’ sense of self through dedicated attention, positive reinforcement, and teaching self-compassion.
• Empower teens with practical strategies like deep breathing, relaxation exercises, positive self-talk, and creative or physical outlets.
• Seek out a professional dedicated to helping kids with anxiety if we’re worried and need more support.

Seeing anxiety present in your kid’s life can be scary. But remember: your job is to support them through what they’re experiencing and be their safe harbor when they become overwhelmed. Try these methods to help your teen cope with their anxiety.