A Guide to the Teenage Years for Parents and Kids

The teenage years are a crucial transitional period in every child’s life. While the preteen ages of 11 and 12 begin that transition, those “tween” years typically involve fewer behavioral, emotional, and physical changes, but they’re coming!

Just as a caterpillar experiences different phases to turn into a beautiful butterfly, a teen also experiences physical and emotional phases. Once their bodies and minds stretch, grow, and evolve, they emerge into adulthood more prepared to handle life’s challenges.

But the journey to adulthood involves a rollercoaster ride of emotions and mood swings. As teens encounter more demanding physical and mental activities, their minds must adapt to the increased pressure of their studies, competition with their peers, extracurricular activities, and the need to perform their best. Fortunately, teens don’t have to navigate this journey alone. In addition to the support of family, friends, teachers, counselors, and other professionals (when needed), certain products and activities can help ease the transition, too.

How to help kids “survive” their teenage years

With all the physical and mental changes teens experience as their bodies and minds grow and mature, they may be dealing with hygiene challenges, insomnia, emotional turmoil, depression or other mental illnesses, and a whole host of “I didn’t ask for these problems.” Is it any wonder to parents that it feels like they’re living with volatile, unpredictable aliens at times? 

These days, the internet has a solution (or two or ten) for everything. Some solutions are organic, with home remedies for facial care to help resolve acne flare-ups. Others may involve over-the-counter medications or creams treating everything from skin rashes to insomnia. Occasionally, stronger solutions are indicated when working with a professional, such as a family physician, therapist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, or another medical specialist.

This article addresses some of the challenges teens may encounter and offers some strategies.

Physical hygiene  

Good hygiene habits are important for all people, but especially teens. Teens get smelly because their bodies produce more sweat. Using deodorant and wearing fresh undergarments helps teens maintain their hygiene. They should wash daily, and especially not neglect their feet. 

To avoid skin breakouts, teens should wash their faces in the morning and evening with non-greasy, hypoallergenic skincare products and moisturize. While it seems counterintuitive to moisturize non-dry skin, doing so can actually help your skin balance the amount of “natural” moisturizer it produces, which will cut down on that greasy feeling and lead to fewer breakouts.

Dental health is important, too. Floss and brush your teeth, and brush your tongue to remove bacteria that can cause tooth decay and bad breath. 

Girls who’ve started their periods should have an appointment with a gynecologist who can explain what they can expect and offer solutions if they suffer from cramps, bloating, and other PMS symptoms. An old-fashioned calendar or digital tracker will help track their periods. 

Avoid insomnia with good sleep hygiene 

After puberty hits, a teen’s internal clock typically shifts about two hours later, so if they typically fall asleep around 9 or 10, now they won’t get tired before 11 or midnight (which isn’t great for school schedules that require early morning wakeup calls).

Did you know that snacking before bedtime can activate your stomach muscles and keep you awake when you want to sleep? Avoid eating a large amount of food at least an hour before bedtime. If your teen struggles with falling asleep, try:

• Going for a long walk, run, or bike ride after dinner
• Drinking a warm cup of milk
• Taking a warm shower or bath to relax the muscles
• Wearing season-appropriate, comfortable clothing
• Avoiding caffeinated products at least three hours before bedtime

Finally, let’s talk about sleep hygiene. Most experts agree that teens need 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night. We know that’s not always realistic, but the more sleep you can get, the better for your body, brain, and mental health. 

Encourage your teen to develop a wind-down routine. At least an hour before bedtime, power down all electronics, as the blue light can interfere with sleep. Engage in more calming activities, like reading, coloring, or puzzles, rather than homework or video games.

Optimize their sleep environment with a dark, quiet, cool bedroom (about 65°F), which can promote better sleep. Use a comfortable mattress and pillow that support the spine and neck. Consider using blackout curtains or an eye mask to block light. 

Teens should listen to their bodies. If they struggle to fall asleep, they can try getting out of bed and engaging in a relaxing activity until they feel sleepy again. It’s best not to force themselves to stay in bed if they’re not tired, as doing so can create a negative association with the bed. 

If sleep problems persist, they should talk to a doctor or a sleep specialist.

Acne  

Hormonal changes, diet, some skincare products, and stress can cause acne in teens. Most causes are basic and can be resolved with a daily washing regimen that removes excess facial oil. Use warm water and a mild, oil-free cleanser to remove dirt and open the pores. Using a clay mask once a week can also help eliminate excess oil and dirt.

Apply oil-free moisturizer in the morning and evening after washing your face. Don’t forget a broad-spectrum sunscreen with SPF 30 or higher in the morning to protect skin from sun damage. Always choose non-comedogenic creams and makeup that won’t clog your pores. 

If acne persists, there are over-the-counter (OTC) options:

• Benzoyl peroxide: Effective for killing acne-causing bacteria and reducing inflammation
• Salicylic acid: Helps exfoliate the skin and unclog pores, preventing future breakouts
• Topical retinoids (like adapalene): Unclogs pores and promotes cell turnover
• Spot treatments: Hydrocolloid bandages (aka “pimple patches”) help absorb excess fluid and promote the healing of individual pimples

Seek professional help from a dermatologist for:

• Severe acne, if OTC treatments aren’t effective
• Acne that gets worse, or you experience side effects from the OTC options
• Scarring resulting from acne

Mood swings

Adolescence is a pivotal time for self-discovery, where teens begin to understand their unique identity and potential. Encourage your teen to embrace who they are, whether short, tall, athletic, artistic, geeky, musical — the sky’s the limit! Fighting against their authentic self can create unnecessary emotional distress. Recognizing that their individual traits don’t make them inferior is a powerful step toward boosting their confidence and overcoming self-doubt.

Learning to understand and manage their emotions is another vital skill. All feelings are valid, and developing healthy coping mechanisms will serve them well. To help maintain an emotional balance, make time for relaxation. Engaging in pleasant activities, like spending time at the beach, pool, or in nature, taking a warm bath, or getting lost in a good book, can benefit their mind and body.

During puberty, significant hormonal fluctuations, especially estrogen and testosterone, can lead to unpredictable changes in a teen’s emotional state. These hormonal shifts can impact brain chemistry, affecting neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine, which are crucial for mood regulation.

While mood swings are a normal part of adolescence, here are a few coping strategies to help ride the wave:

• Yoga
• Deep breathing exercises
• Crying
• Physical activity like walking, running, playing a sport, or even hitting the playground
• Playing a musical instrument or listening to music
• Watching a funny show or movie
• Writing in a journal
• Eating healthy food
• Drinking plenty of water

Sometimes, those mood swings can develop into more serious conditions.

Depression 

Many factors can influence depression in teens, from their brain chemistry and hormonal shifts to their social circle and family history. Symptoms may include:

• Irritable moods
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Low self-esteem
• Restlessness or agitation
• Energy loss or fatigue
• A loss of interest in hobbies, school, spending time with family or friends
• Dropping grades
• Self-isolation

If you notice your teen exhibiting symptoms of depression, try to talk to them. Remind your teen that they’re safe, loved, and accepted. Be willing to listen to them. Resist the urge to pass judgment or criticize their opinions or behaviors. Just hear them out. If the depression begins to last longer, schedule an appointment with their doctor, who may recommend meeting with a specialist best equipped to help your teen with their mental health.

Anxiety

Anxiety is a pretty normal emotion for everyone to feel. Teens often get nervous about public speaking, upcoming tests, or navigating an unfamiliar situation. Knowing when your teen is experiencing “regular” anxiety versus a deeper, more paralyzing anxiety isn’t always easy to determine. If your teen is worried about an exam or sports competition, they might get a headache, feel nauseous, or sweat excessively. Their brain might “shut down” or, in rare cases, suffer from a panic attack. 

If your teen becomes anxious about tests, encourage them to develop good study habits and set aside time to prepare for them. Taking regular breaks while studying and aiming for at least eight hours of sleep the night before an exam can help keep anxiety at bay. When they take tests, remind them to read each question carefully, create a quick outline for essay questions, and answer the easiest questions first before returning to the harder ones.

Not sure if their anxiety is more severe? These signs indicate it may be time to contact a professional:

• Excessive worry about things
• Intrusive thoughts or behaviors
• Fear and self-doubt
• Social withdrawal
• Substance abuse
• Fatigue or complaints of headaches and stomachaches
• A sudden decline in academic performance

Maturity 

Ok, teens. This section’s for you, especially if you’re annoyed that your family doesn’t treat you as the mature individual you know yourself to be.

How much do you help out? Taking on responsibilities demonstrates maturity and care, like contributing to household chores or helping siblings with their homework. Can you contribute to family decisions, like offering suggestions about home improvement or handling small tasks at home (making your own doctor’s or hair appointments) and school (contacting your counselor to switch classes)? Being responsible and proactive about those responsibilities shows that you’re becoming mature.

Confidence is also a hallmark of maturity. When you’re confident, it shows in your smile and how you carry yourself. Presenting yourself well plays a role in how others perceive you, too. Think about what you wear in certain situations. Holey sweats and a stretched-out tee are perfectly acceptable for lounging around at home, but going out to dinner in the same “outfit”? Not so much. Wearing well-fitting clothing and developing a personal style can enhance your personality and make a strong impression. 

Motivation 

As a parent, motivating your teen can present quite a challenge. It starts with cultivating a relationship built on trust. Build the bond between you and your teen through active listening. Listen to what your teen has to say, without judgment or interruption, which shows that you value their thoughts and feelings. Sharing common interests can grow that bond and strengthen your connection.

You can foster intrinsic motivation by connecting learning to their interests, encouraging them to set achievable goals, and providing autonomy. Avoid arguments and lectures. Instead of critiquing and criticizing, try to understand and support their passions — an approach more likely to help them feel empowered. Encourage open communication, offer support, and model positive behaviors, like perseverance and self-care.

These suggestions can help teens navigate the complexities of adolescence and step confidently into adulthood.

Additional resources

• Kidz Learn Applications: A YouTube channel sharing educational and fun videos for kids and adults
• Teen guide: An Alexa app for parents to help their kids navigate common challenges during their teen years
• Kidz Learn: Educational apps to help students with math, science, computer science, and more.